Metaphysical, New Age and Pagan Jokes

[Dormouse]

In keeping with what most of us Orphalesers are into, I started this thread so we'd have a place to post our metaphysical, new age and pagan jokes.


Sign in a metaphysical bookstore: Vagueness Spoken Here.


As the mighty Norse god Thor rode across the skies on his fiery steed, he raised his hammer and bellowed, “I’m Thor! I’m Thor!”

His horse turned around and muttered, “You thoulda wore your thaddle, thilly.”


Question: What's the difference between New Age and Pagan?
Answer: About $500 a weekend.

[Rhutobello]

We all love to meditate....bu...but ..:)
Three Yogis are meditating in a remote cave. One day a sound is heard from outside the cave. After about six months, one of the yogis says, Did you hear that goat? Once again, there is silence. About a year later, one of the other Yogis says, That wasn't a goat. it was a mule. Again, there is silence. About two years later the third yogi says, If you two don't stop arguing, I'm leaving.

[Merlin]

Okay, How many Zen Buddhists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three. Two to hold the bulb in the socket, and the third to rotate reality..........

Take Care,

Marvin

[Merlin]

Heard at a Male Pagan retreat:

I don't mind the male bonding, I don't mind dancing naked around the fire. I do mind doing it in FEBUARY! ./)

(Is that the hint of a smile?)

Enjoy!

Take Care,

Marvin

[Rhutobello]

Here is another stolen goodies:)

An account representative from Tyson Foods arranged to visit the Pope. After receiving the papal blessing, he whispered, Your Holiness, we have a deal for you. If you'll change The Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily chicken,' we'll donate a million dollars to the church.
Impossible, replied the Pope. That prayer is the word of God, it can never be changed.
Okay, said the Tyson rep, one billion dollars to the church if you'll change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily chicken.'
I told you, said the Pope, The Lord's Prayer is inviolate, no one can alter it.
Okay, final offer, said the rep. Five billion dollars if you'll change the Lord's Prayer to 'give us this day our daily chicken.'
The following day, the Pope met with the College of Cardinals. Gentleman, he stated, I have some goods news and some bad news. The good news is, the Church has come into five billion dollars. The bad news is, we're losing the Wonder Bread account.

[Dormouse]

Question: What kind of furniture do witches have?
Answer: Wicker.

[Dormouse]

?Question: How did the ancient Romans cut their hair?
Answer: With a pair of caesars.

Question: How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?
Answer: Depends on the dance steps.

Question: What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist with a Druid mathematician?
Answer: Someone who worships the square roots of a tree that isn’t there.

[Rhutobello]

It might go under Jokes...but include a lot of truth this one:)

A Brief History of Medicine

2000 BC - Here, eat this root.
1000 AD - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 AD - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 AD - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 AD - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 AD - That antibiotic doesn't work anymore. Here, eat this root.

[Dormouse]

Q: What’s the best thing about having Pagan friends?
A: They worship the ground you walk on.

Please hold. All of the Muses are busy right now, but your inspiration
is very important to us.

Q: How did the Vikings send secret messages?
A: They used Norse Code.

Have you heard about the dyslexic yogi who goes around chanting “MO”?

Q: What’s a Pagan’s favorite snack?
A: Pan pizza.

??Bumper sticker spotted en route to a Wicca convention: Ankh if you love Isis.

[Rhutobello]

hehehehe this show that action gives reaction.....but where is all those other that can give input here....come on...we don't bite:)

A New York nun hailed a cab, got in and told the driver to take her to West 79th Street. As they rode uptown, she noticed that the driver kept staring at her in his rearview mirror. Finally, she asked him why he was staring. There's something I want to ask you, said the cabbie, but I don't want to offend you.
My dear son, said the sister, when you've been a nun for as long as I have, you've seen and heard just about everything. There's nothing you can say that will offend me.
Well, began the cabbie cautiously, all my life I've had this fantasy about being kissed by a nun.
Maybe we can do something about that, the nun said, provided you are single -- and Roman Catholic.
I'm single! replied the driver excitedly. And I'm Catholic too!
Okay, said the nun. Pull into the next alley. The cabbie wasted no time in finding an alley, stopping the car and jumping into the back seat, where the nun proceeded to fulfill his lifelong fantasy.
After they got back into traffic, the driver began to cry. My dear child, said the nun tenderly, why are you crying?
Forgive me, sister, he said. I took advantage of your good nature when I told you I was single and Catholic. I'm really married and Jewish.
That's all right, replied the nun. My name is really Bruce, and I'm on my way to a Halloween party.