A man went to a psychic, who looked into her crystal ball and said, “I see that you are the father of two children.”
That's what you think!” said the man, “I'm the father of three children!”
The psychic shot back, “That's what you think!”
A man was ambling through a crowded street fair when he found himself at a palm reader's table. Said the fortune teller: “For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future.” The man agreed.
The reader took one look at his open palm and said, “I see that you have no girlfriend.”
“That's true,” said the man.
“Indeed,” she continued, “you’re very lonely, aren’t you?”
“Yes,” he admitted shamefully. Then he asked, “You can tell all this from my love line?”
“No,” replied the palm reader, “from your callouses.”
Psychic Jokes
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Rhutobello
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Re: Psychic Jokes
Well maybe i have not a Psychic Joke.....but maybe somenone had needed a Psychic:)
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?
The first man replies: Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony.
That sounds like a pretty bad day to me, said Peter, and let the man in.
The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.
It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here.
Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.
The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole process was repeated. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.
Picture this, says the third man, I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator...
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?
The first man replies: Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony.
That sounds like a pretty bad day to me, said Peter, and let the man in.
The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.
It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here.
Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.
The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole process was repeated. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.
Picture this, says the third man, I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator...
Re: Re: Psychic Jokes
Ha, good one! Here's the last of my psychic jokes:
Question: What’s so great about being a psychic amnesiac?
Answer: You know in advance what you’re going to forget.
To psychic friends met on the street. “You’re fine,” said one of them. “How am I?”
A man went to a seance hoping to contact his recently departed grandfather. A few minutes after the lights were dimmed, the medium began to sway, and his eyes began to flutter. In a strange, quivering voice, he called out, “Grandson? Are you there?”
“Grandfather?!” asked the man, wide-eyed and on the edge of his seat. “Is that really you?!”
“Yes, Grandson, it's really me,” came the response from the medium.
“Are you sure, Grandfather?!” demanded the man.
Looking somewhat puzzled, the medium replied, “Yes, Grandson.”
The man persisted. “Are you absolutely sure it’s really you?”
“Is there some other question you want to ask me, Grandson?” asked the voice.
“Yes!” replied the man. “When did you learn to speak English?”
Question: Why did the psychic give up fortune telling?
Answer: He saw no future in it.
Scribbled across the men’s room wall: I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
At a street fair, a woman approached a fortune teller, who told her, “For ten dollars I will answer one question.”
“Ten dollars for one question!” exclaimed the woman as she took out a ten dollar bill. “That’s a bit expensive, isn’t it?”
The fortune teller grabbed the bill, then hollered, “Next!”
Answer: One.
Question: How many psychics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A frog called a phone psychic who told him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you.”
“That’s great!” said the amphibian. “Will I meet her at a party or what?”
“No, next semester,” answered the psychic. “In her biology class.”
Question: If a psychic midget escaped from the penitentiary, what would the headlines read?
Answer: Small medium at large.
Question: What’s so great about being a psychic amnesiac?
Answer: You know in advance what you’re going to forget.
To psychic friends met on the street. “You’re fine,” said one of them. “How am I?”
A man went to a seance hoping to contact his recently departed grandfather. A few minutes after the lights were dimmed, the medium began to sway, and his eyes began to flutter. In a strange, quivering voice, he called out, “Grandson? Are you there?”
“Grandfather?!” asked the man, wide-eyed and on the edge of his seat. “Is that really you?!”
“Yes, Grandson, it's really me,” came the response from the medium.
“Are you sure, Grandfather?!” demanded the man.
Looking somewhat puzzled, the medium replied, “Yes, Grandson.”
The man persisted. “Are you absolutely sure it’s really you?”
“Is there some other question you want to ask me, Grandson?” asked the voice.
“Yes!” replied the man. “When did you learn to speak English?”
Question: Why did the psychic give up fortune telling?
Answer: He saw no future in it.
Scribbled across the men’s room wall: I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
At a street fair, a woman approached a fortune teller, who told her, “For ten dollars I will answer one question.”
“Ten dollars for one question!” exclaimed the woman as she took out a ten dollar bill. “That’s a bit expensive, isn’t it?”
The fortune teller grabbed the bill, then hollered, “Next!”
Answer: One.
Question: How many psychics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A frog called a phone psychic who told him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you.”
“That’s great!” said the amphibian. “Will I meet her at a party or what?”
“No, next semester,” answered the psychic. “In her biology class.”
Question: If a psychic midget escaped from the penitentiary, what would the headlines read?
Answer: Small medium at large.
Re: Re: Re: Psychic Jokes
Note found on door of Psychic Research Dept.:
Come on in, We know you're there!
(Hope that give everyone a smile!)
Take Care,
Marvin
Come on in, We know you're there!
(Hope that give everyone a smile!)
Take Care,
Marvin