Psychiatrist Jokes
Posted: Wed 07 Jun, 2006 5:07 pm
?A place to post your shrink jokes.
A psychiatrist went to a mental hospital to visit several of his patients. Afterwards, while relaxing in the garden with a cup of tea, he spotted an artist working on a fabulous mosaic of colored bricks. “Sir, your artwork is extraordinary!” he told the man. “I would like to visit your studio sometime.”
“Thank you,” the man replied, “but I don’t have a studio, I'm a patient here.”
“What!?” exclaimed the shrink. “It's preposterous that an artist of your caliber should have to labor in such a place! I'm going to speak to the director and have you released immediately! I have many wealthy friends who will commission you to design their gardens!”
You would do that for me?” asked the artist.
“You better believe it,” said the shrink as he handed him his card. “I'll be in touch.” With that, the psychiatrist turned and walked toward his car. Suddenly, he felt something hard strike him on the back of the head, knocking him senseless to the ground.
When he finally came to, he saw that he'd been hit by a colored brick. Then he looked up and saw the artist standing there waving and shouting, “Don’t forget!”
Definition of neurotic: a person who builds a castle in the air. Definition of psychotic: the person who lives in it. Definition of psychiatrist: the one who collects the rent.
A man had been feeling depressed for so long that he finally decided to seek help from a psychiatrist. He lay on the shrink’s couch for forty-five minutes, spilling his guts, then waited for some profound bit of wisdom to make him feel better.
“Your problem is one of low self-esteem,” said the shrink. “It’s very common among losers.”
A young Jewish man visited a psychiatrist, hoping to cure his eating and sleeping disorder. “Every thought I have turns to my mother,” the patient told the shrink. “As soon as I fall asleep and begin to dream, everyone in my dream turns into my mother. I wake up so upset that all I can do is go downstairs and eat a piece of toast.”
The psychiatrist replied, “What, just one piece of toast for a big boy like you?”
A psychiatrist went to a mental hospital to visit several of his patients. Afterwards, while relaxing in the garden with a cup of tea, he spotted an artist working on a fabulous mosaic of colored bricks. “Sir, your artwork is extraordinary!” he told the man. “I would like to visit your studio sometime.”
“Thank you,” the man replied, “but I don’t have a studio, I'm a patient here.”
“What!?” exclaimed the shrink. “It's preposterous that an artist of your caliber should have to labor in such a place! I'm going to speak to the director and have you released immediately! I have many wealthy friends who will commission you to design their gardens!”
You would do that for me?” asked the artist.
“You better believe it,” said the shrink as he handed him his card. “I'll be in touch.” With that, the psychiatrist turned and walked toward his car. Suddenly, he felt something hard strike him on the back of the head, knocking him senseless to the ground.
When he finally came to, he saw that he'd been hit by a colored brick. Then he looked up and saw the artist standing there waving and shouting, “Don’t forget!”
Definition of neurotic: a person who builds a castle in the air. Definition of psychotic: the person who lives in it. Definition of psychiatrist: the one who collects the rent.
A man had been feeling depressed for so long that he finally decided to seek help from a psychiatrist. He lay on the shrink’s couch for forty-five minutes, spilling his guts, then waited for some profound bit of wisdom to make him feel better.
“Your problem is one of low self-esteem,” said the shrink. “It’s very common among losers.”
A young Jewish man visited a psychiatrist, hoping to cure his eating and sleeping disorder. “Every thought I have turns to my mother,” the patient told the shrink. “As soon as I fall asleep and begin to dream, everyone in my dream turns into my mother. I wake up so upset that all I can do is go downstairs and eat a piece of toast.”
The psychiatrist replied, “What, just one piece of toast for a big boy like you?”